Here’s yet another thing that I’ve dabbled in when it comes to spiritual paths. I did this mainly in my early twenties, and it’s not something I consider very useful in the recovery of narcissistic abuse as childhood trauma. There are, however, points to using energy, and in this post I’ll tell you why.

There’s energy in everything – even plastics, although I find it hard to grasp. Nature itself is pure energy, and I’m sorry that so many people have forgotten how magical it really is and see only practical uses for it these days.

Animals are much better at understanding and using energy. That’s what they do, that’s how they communicate. They adapt their energy to what’s around them constantly – not changing who they are, like I did when I travelled between mom and dad, but as a response to what and who is around them. A way of communicating.

Although I haven’t really worked with energy in terms of chakra system, healing or something like it, I still would consider myself quite skilled. The reason for that is – mom. Having a relation with, and being close to her, I had to learn how to read her energy rather than what she said or did. There are so many nuances in how a person can hold her back and neck and how to read and understand the energy that comes from it.

I’m sure many of you out there can tell similar stories. Walking into a room, being able to tell exactly how the energies flow, hearing on the phone signal that it is that parent, and what mood s/he’s in at that time, is a skill we learn just by having a narcissistic parent.

In the spiritual sphere, energy is used in basically everything. The chakra system is widely known, and people doing Kundalini yoga awakens the Kundalini snake. People who read Tarot won’t let other people touch their deck not to disturb the energy in the cards (which I personally don’t believe in, but still). Healers use energy in their healing practices. Withces/magicians use energy in their magic. Considering everything consists of energy, there’s no surprise there are so many uses for it.

The most use I’ve had of energy work is actually quite mundane. Up until my early thirties, I used to consider myself quite meak, compliant – and actually, quite submissive. I didn’t understand the concept of boundaries and limits, except I had to abide to those of others. I didn’t understand that I could have that, and I certainly had no idea of how to create or implement them.

There’s one mundane word that gave me all of those things, through various aspects.

Leadership.

When I was in my early thirties I was given a leader role in a local organization. That provided me with the ability of accepting that I’d be the centre of attention. Couple of years later, I got myself a dog. She taught me how to set boundaries and claim my space (and so much more). When I entered the BDSM world, I realized that I am allowed to have needs, to express them – and have them fulfilled. Quite different from what I’d have thought, I chose the dominant role.

I’ll talk more about these things later, but all of them deal with energy. How you give it shape, and how you choose to present and project it. For me, all of these things has been incredibly important in my recovery. It’s taken me a long time to learn, but I think I am quite the different person now because of them. Leadership is the shit, peeps.

I like it when I can find good use for spiritual concepts within the physical world. And I really do believe that I need both worlds to be the best version of myself that I can be.

As for you, I can’t say. You’ll have to find your own path that works for you, and ignore what others may have to say about it. In that, I wish you the best of luck.

With love.

 

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Eye C : recovery from childhood trauma (narcissistic abuse by a parent)

I grew up with a covert narcissistic mother and a father who overcompensated in a rigid manner.

 

My mother died back in 2001 and I have spent too many years being a survivor. This is where it’s time to recover and be the best version of myself that I can be.

 

It’s important to me to let this be a space where we are creative and positive in our ways to recover from the narcissistic abuse we’ve been subjected to in our childhood. It’s no easy task, but I’ll be damned if I can’t do it.

 

I hope to see you here on the blog – and on the Youtube channel that’ll kick off on January 7 2022.

 

Until then.

 

With love.
Malinka P.