This, combined with the shamanic journeying and my yoga practise, is what has made all the difference in my recovery. All these things has happened to me within the last couple of years – yoga and these four agreements (especially one of them), only this year. And together, they have pushed me waaaaaay ahead.

The four agreements is a book by don Miguel Ruiz. It was recommended to me by one of my best friends, and I am incredibly glad I read it. I’m not going to give away much of what it’s about, other than it could be reason to change your entire way of thinking about the world and yourself.

In fairness; much of what Ruiz adressess in his book is old news to me. During these twenty something years I’ve been exploring, I’ve come across things that are very similar, just said and explained with different words. I suppose it means that the wisdom is the same, regardless who says it.

What Ruiz says that completely changed my way of looking at myself, is that the things we learn from our parents – and I’m talking the deepest crappy shit they teach us, not by telling us, but by how they are with, and treat us, all that stuff noone ever thinks about – that’s an agreement they did with us. We never agreed to it with them, we bought their truth because we were children and we didn’t know better.

When I realized what this meant, I was flabbergasted. I mean – wow. On the Youtube channel when it kicks off in January, I’ll be talking about the biggest, fattest and most useless lessons I learned from both my parents. These things has shaped my entire life ever since, and none of them serve me very well. Once I realized this, I felt such a relief. This made it all so much easier to start the process of letting it go, to re-shape myself as I see fit. Not after someone else’s ideas of who or what I should be.

I have been wanting to improve myself and my life since I was about twenty years old. That’s a long time. In the next coming posts I’ll start talking about what’s really been going on in a bit more detail and what are my main problem areas still today. I’ll also go through some.. well, let’s just say – it’s going to be a lot of going through a lot of things, so you can get a picture of where I’ve been, where I am and where I’m going. 😀

And like I said; the shamanic journeys combined with my yoga – and don Miguel Ruiz, is what has made all the difference for me. Sometimes I wonder why it had to take over twenty years to get here. But then again; when I was twenty, I was not ready to do this. And perhaps I had to go through all of this, so I could end up where I am and hopefully reach some peace and quiet at last.

Healing takes time. Recovery takes time. And while I do feel I have wasted so much time of my life to what feels like an endless endeavour, at fortyfive years old – well, I suppose I can start my life now. It won’t be what I hoped for when I was younger. Far from it. But perhaps this will be even better.

But I can tell you this; my recovery will be filled with soulsearching to find more agreements that my parents made with me, without allowing me to change as I grew older. I am going to re-create myself and become the most brilliant version of ME that I am capable to be. And knowing myself, I won’t set my goal at the top of any trees. On the contrary, I’m going to set my goal at the other side of the universe, to be sure I reach at least halfway to the moon.

With love.

 

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Eye C : recovery from childhood trauma (narcissistic abuse by a parent)

I grew up with a covert narcissistic mother and a father who overcompensated in a rigid manner.

 

My mother died back in 2001 and I have spent too many years being a survivor. This is where it’s time to recover and be the best version of myself that I can be.

 

It’s important to me to let this be a space where we are creative and positive in our ways to recover from the narcissistic abuse we’ve been subjected to in our childhood. It’s no easy task, but I’ll be damned if I can’t do it.

 

I hope to see you here on the blog – and on the Youtube channel that’ll kick off on January 7 2022.

 

Until then.

 

With love.
Malinka P.