I’ve been attracted to yoga for a very long time. I’ve been wanting to practise it, but never really got around to it. You know; I’ve started, and then I just.. stopped, for no reason at all. Until this year. On March 1, I was challenged by a friend to start doing physical exercise daily for 31 days. I chose yoga. And now, it’s become a journey.

Yoga may not be what I use to actually recover from my childhood trauma, I’ll give you that. But it has turned out to be very helpful, in more ways than I thought when I started. First of all; I’m 45 years old. My body is stiff and tense to the degree where I was in constant pain. There are numerous reasons for that, and I’ll probably get back to those later. My first goal when I started practising yoga was to be less stiff and tense and more flexible.

Mission accomplished. I am now free of pain, and I am way more flexible than I thought I could be. That doesn’t really mean anything, though, considering what shape I was in when I started. But – I’m very happy with the results.

Another benefit is I’ve lost almost 4 bra sizes, and in general, my body is changing shape. Due to those reasons I mentioned above, I have plenty of body to transform, but this is another area where I didn’t expect this much to happen in such a short time. I’m flabbergasted, actually. It does wonders for my self-image and confidence.

But the most important part of it all is – I told you already about shamanism, and how I journey more spontaneously rather than with drums/rattles. Yoga is where I do it. Before I begin my practise, I make contact with any guide who listens and wants to keep me company, and I ask for help. I ask for help to shed layers and layers of old crap that doesn’t serve me anymore. I ask for help to transform physically and mentally into who I want to be. And when my practise is done, I spend some time in gratitude for those who helped.

This is my greatest benefit of yoga. The contact with my guides, and the help and support they provide.

And trust me, things do happen when I do this. One example is that, step by step, I am regaining access to my emotions. I turned them off quite profoundly maybe ten years ago, and I’ve had trouble ever since to re-connect. And that’s just one of the benefits of my cross-over between yoga and shamanism.

Yoga is of course known to be a practise that is deeper than “just” the physical aspects of it. The way I do it is for me to do. But I really do appreciate the slow tempo, the meditative stillness to it, and how it forces me to stay present in my body while doing my practise. One of my goals is to re-connect my body, my soul/spirit and my mind. Dissociation split these apart when I was growing up, and while I have periods of time where I’m whole, I’d like it to stay that way.

For me, yoga has been a life changer. Already in March, I was certain that this is something I am going to do for the rest of my life, as long as I’m physically capable.

And let’s just say, so we’re clear about this – I am not a yoga professional in any sense whatsoever. I am a beginner. I may practise yoga nearly on a daily basis, but that doesn’t mean anything more than that. I do very basic, fairly simple asanas. My practise take about an hour to complete. I am planning on learning new asanas, but I am also a bit intimidated of some of the ones I want to try. I do my yoga at home in my living room, since I find the experience most private and intimate. I am not one who likes to practise physical exercise in a group. It makes the learning new asanas a bit trickier, but I can live with that.

But in general, I can highly recommend taking a closer look at yoga. When I first started, I watched Yoga with Adriene over at Youtube. She is amazing and a great teacher. I used a video for superduper beginners, and after perhaps five months I felt ready to start practising on my own.

And I am such a fan of doing the work on my own. I don’t really know why, but I find it extremely important – for me, personally, to do the work all by myself. I’m not sure if it is some kind of childish “I can do this by myself”-thing going on, or what the heck it is. Let’s discuss that in a later post. 😀

With love.

 

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Eye C : recovery from childhood trauma (narcissistic abuse by a parent)

I grew up with a covert narcissistic mother and a father who overcompensated in a rigid manner.

 

My mother died back in 2001 and I have spent too many years being a survivor. This is where it’s time to recover and be the best version of myself that I can be.

 

It’s important to me to let this be a space where we are creative and positive in our ways to recover from the narcissistic abuse we’ve been subjected to in our childhood. It’s no easy task, but I’ll be damned if I can’t do it.

 

I hope to see you here on the blog – and on the Youtube channel that’ll kick off on January 7 2022.

 

Until then.

 

With love.
Malinka P.