In terms of recovery rather than survival, I consider myself lucky. My mom died twenty years ago, and while I do miss my dad a lot, his death did surve a purpose for my personal growth. In this post, I’ll share some thoughts on timing when it comes to recovery, and why it’s important to cease the day.
I am of course lucky that my narcissist is dead, because it means that she cannot provide any new influences in my life. That’s on the plus side, and I don’t really care how bad or harsch it sounds, because it is true. Equally true is that I cannot even begin to imagine where, or what I’d be had she still been alive today.
Now, to actually move into recovery instead of staying in the victimhood, is quite a big step. And it is a step that needs to be taken at the right time. These times do not necessarily come by often – at least not for me. But when they do, I have found that I can go the furthest if I cease that moment, grab hold of it and refuse to let go.
Recovery. Moving on. Expanding.
The danger with staying in that victimhood is that our reality tends to be so small. It’s so easy to set our focus on ourselves and our situation rather than expanding, becoming who we were always meant to be. And I find that place to be tedious and too small to actually live in. It’s like trying to live in a shirt that’s too tight; it gets annoying and uncomfortable very quickly.
I think I have always been looking for a way out. Regardless of my own situation where my narcissist is dead and gone since many years, there are a few things that are required to recover. I’ll get into the more important ones later on, but it wasn’t until last summer (2020) that I found the last missing pieces. And not until couple of months ago that I found what has been my greatest turning point.
One of those moments that are worth grabbing hold of and never let go of. Information that pushes a button inside the head and immediately moves you along without you doing any work at all. The works comes after, but it’s like you understand so much more all of a sudden – and that’s when it is up to you to push through and go further.
I don’t really know when your time is right. That is something only you can decide. You are the only one who can notice and grab hold of those moments where something just falls into place. Only you can feel that shift inside your mind and your heart, and it’s up to you what to do with it.
But I do urge you to grab a hold of it. I do urge you to never let go, because I find that – well, sure, it’s taken me many, many years, but I still do find that it’s worth it. I wish I hadn’t had to go through so many years of depressions and misery, but once here – oh, it’s worth it. And knowing that from now on, it can only get better – oh, wow… ♥
Now, I have no idea of what it’s like still having your narcissistic parent alive. I have no idea of how I’d be dealing with it, and I am ever so grateful I didn’t have to. It was bad enough dealing with it throughout my childhood, and dealing with the remnants once she was gone. A guess is I would most likely have forced myself to create quite the distance between us, in order to feel that I had a life of my own. I cannot answer what you have to do for your own recovery, if your narcissistic parent is still alive. I really don’t, and I’m sorry that I can’t be of any help in that respect.
In the first video coming up (on January 7, 2022) on the Youtube channel I’ll be talking a bit more about some of these moments – points of origin, one might say, that I have experienced in my life. For me, most of them have been quite significant and life changing in more ways than one. There’s a slight difference between the whole concept of timing and points of origin, but they are similar.
In the meantime, I’ll just encourage you to find those moments where you feel a shift in your mind, and take advantage of them. They are worth a lot, especially if they can push you through at least some of the pressure you’re under.
With love.
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