To continue on the subject of selfleadership, I wanted to write a little bit about decisions I’ve made that has turned out to be really, really good for me. I’m not used to that, not in general, so I must admit to being particularily pleased with myself when it comes to these things. Sometimes, I am worth an extra pat on the back.

One of these decisions is about twelve years ago, when I decided to get myself a dog. I brought home an eight weeks old German shepherd female from the Swedish defense breeding program, to foster until it was time to test her for military service. A dog like this is no easy task, especially not when you’re brand new to raising a puppy. Elite working dogs are extremely high energy, high driven, strong-willed dogs – unstoppable, one might say (and that’s no over-/understatement).

Fortunately for me, the military wouldn’t have her due to physical faults (she was borne with weak joints) so I got to keep her. She taught me everything I needed to know about setting boundaries, strengthening my core (mentally rather than physical) and being a leader figure. Everything I learned from her, I can now use in many areas of my life – not only dog related.

Another decision I’m extremely pleased with is to continue my yoga practise. I’ve already written about yoga, that I was challenged by one of my best friends to do 31 days of physical exercise through March (2021). Once those 31 days were over, I decided to continue for another 100 days – and after that, to continue until I am physically unable to. This is by far one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. The benefits and results are overwhelming sometimes.

Yet another decision I’m very proud of is when I decided to start eating LCHF (low carb, high fat). This is the only way of eating that has helped me get rid of my sugar addiction (which has been profound my entire life). I still have issues with over-eating, but I have worked out strategies to keep it under control, so I’m overall quite happy with it. It’s been 5½ years now, and I can’t imagine going back to carbs and sugar.

And of course, I am also very pleased with my decision not to have any children. While it may seem as an odd decision, negative in a way, I don’t see how I could’ve chosen differently. Looking back at my life, there would’ve been no room for a child. I have already written an entire post about this, but it’s worth noting here as well.

Life’s full of decisions, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s difficult to know what to choose, what to do. How do we know it’ll do us good in the end? I’d say – trust your gut. Intuition is an enormously practical tool, if we know how to listen. For years, I lost the ability to hear and feel my intuition, and I suffered for it. Big time. But it has come back, more or less, and I am incredibly happy about it.

I think that the key is to be present and aware. I’ve spent so much time being anywhere else but present, and too far away to be aware. Whatever decisions I’ve tried to make, whatever promises I’ve tried to make to myself, I’ve failed. It is very, very discomforting and doesn’t really help in building trust in yourself. Another key element I think is really important is being in control. When you’re not in control of yourself or anything around you, you’ll risk any decisions to fall apart. The only result you’ll get is disappointment in yourself, and that’ll grow until it’s impossible to handle.

As a side note; the pride I hold over these rather significant decisions I’ve made – to me, this is where I sometimes fear I may get too imbalanced. That my pride will become too strong and I’ll start falling into a negative behaviour because of it. I am guessing I still feel the need to surpress myself on behalf of others, even when there’s noone else to surpress myself for. I don’t know if it’s just me or if others see me that way as well. Nor do I know if the way I feel is “normal” or if it’s going to any extremes.


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Eye C : recovery from childhood trauma (narcissistic abuse by a parent)

I grew up with a covert narcissistic mother and a father who overcompensated in a rigid manner.


My mother died back in 2001 and I have spent too many years being a survivor. This is where it’s time to recover and be the best version of myself that I can be.


It’s important to me to let this be a space where we are creative and positive in our ways to recover from the narcissistic abuse we’ve been subjected to in our childhood. It’s no easy task, but I’ll be damned if I can’t do it.


Until then.


With love.
Malinka P.