My mom was born on October 4 or 6 – I can’t remember (and I refuse to be embarrassed about it). She died on February 15 (night between 14 – 15), which made her 46 years and perhaps 4,5 months old (I can’t be bothered to count properly).

I was born on March 18, and I am most certainly not dead. Today is September 16, which means it’s been almost 6 months since my birthday.

That makes me older than her. I am now officially older than my mom.

I thought I’d find it weird, but now that I’m here, I don’t. I did – if you remember, around the anniversery of her death in february, I had couple of days where I felt very weird about it. But now that I am, I feel.. well, pretty much nothing.

Of course, obviously it holds some meaning since I engage enough in it to reflect and write about it. But I think that’s all it is; a reflection, somewhat in wonder.

I’m older than my mom.

And think one year ahead. Ten years down the road. Think of when I’m 75 years old. Talk about being way older than her. 😀

I have to admit that for the past months I haven’t thought much about her. Admittedly, I’ve been suffering from my heat and humidity intolerance during summer months, and summer is the period of the year when I function the least due to that. But still.

But now that I actually do think about her, one thing I reflect over is – aside from reflecting that I am older than her, I for some reason felt no need to compete with anything about her.

Isn’t that quite something? 😮

Not having to compete with even the memory of your own mother. How cool is that? Not until the thought crossed my mind, I realized that I think the whole competition must’ve been a thing for me, even though she’s been dead for over 21 years.

And further; the idea that I don’t have to compete with her – that must mean that all the work I’ve been doing for the past X number of years, must’ve paid off. Stuff must’ve been happening in my head when I wasn’t looking.

About a year ago I began a spiritual re-birth process that took about 6 months to complete. During that time, I did some heavy work on the art of letting go, releasing that which isn’t mine, and stuff that doesn’t have to be here at all.


I think I need to spend some time thinking about this. This is actually a really interesting insight. Quite possibly, it is also worth celebrating in some sort of way. ♥


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Eye C : recovery from childhood trauma (narcissistic abuse by a parent)

I grew up with a covert narcissistic mother and a father who overcompensated in a rigid manner.


My mother died back in 2001 and I have spent too many years being a survivor. This is where it’s time to recover and be the best version of myself that I can be.


It’s important to me to let this be a space where we are creative and positive in our ways to recover from the narcissistic abuse we’ve been subjected to in our childhood. It’s no easy task, but I’ll be damned if I can’t do it.


Until then.


With love.
Malinka P.